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Be firm; what your friend needs now is less sympathy and a little more tough love.Denise Knowles, Relate counsellor:It is always sad when a relationship runs into difficulties. Not only will you feel better and be less likely to be overwhelmed by her grief, you will send an example to her subconscious about appropriate boundaries. “This is the way forward.”But Hugh Dunsmore-Hardy, chief executive of the National Association of Estate Agents, says his members are well used to dealing with competition. “Estate agents are not going to stand idly by and surrender their business They will rise to the challenge.”.

Dear Help Desk

My colleague is going through a divorce, has financial difficulties and many other personal problems. At first I was really sympathetic, listened and, where I could, offered advice. She quite often comes to work in floods of tears and it has now got to the stage where her problems are disrupting the rest of the office. She has even taken to calling me and other colleagues at home. It is beginning to really get me down and I don’t know what to do about it.
Janet, MiddlesexAndrew G Marshall, Live TV agony aunt:Congratulations on being such a supportive colleague. However, you have discovered the limit to just how much help you can provide. Feeling swamped is a good sign that you need stronger boundaries.

Your friend has been so traumatised by her marriage breakdown that she has no boundaries at all You don’t want to abandon her but you need to set limits. There is no point having a “good long talk” about how you are feeling because this will only make her defensive – instead you can model good boundaries for her. Next time she tries to share her problems during work hours, follow your a,b,c. Address: I’m sorry to hear that”, Bridge: “I can’t stop now because I’ve got a report that is due in shortly.” Communicate: “However, we could have coffee after work tonight.” When you finally do have your talk, like a therapist would, set time limits – “I have to collect the children in half an hour.” Try and concentrate on immediate problems (what to say to the solicitor tomorrow?) and don’t let her be distracted by long-term ones (will I ever find love again?). Chrissie Masterman, a marketing executive, says there has been no alternative to estate agents for many years, despite customer dissatisfaction “Now there is. This is one of the most exciting things to hit the profession in many years,” she says.