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In yet another – there are at least four treatments – a man steals identical chips off his neighbour’s plate, because they’re ketchupped.Heinz ketchup: it’s a bit of an animal, seems to be the sub-text. In another, an inactive waste-disposal machine jerks into ravenous life when ketchup’s added to the veg waste in the sink. A squirt of ketchup from a squeezy pack (they’ve obviously given up promoting the old slow clogged glass bottles as worth waiting for) and we’re in The Birds, with a flock of crazed avians attacking him. “You can’t eat without it,” they say in these commercials.There’s a man out hawking with a bit of meat on his big glove that fails to attract the bird. I’ve always thought ketchup was a way to make filthy food filthier but I know foodies who see it as central to civilisation and have it alongside the bespoke pesto and the designer vinegar. But Emmerdale intended to maintain the Heinz ketchup faith with its core market – older down-market women buying for the family – or are they trying to reach someone else?They’re rather smart little ketchup commercials – 5, 10 and 15 seconds – selling the idea that HTK makes the inedible irresistible. No Yorkshire, country or farming to speak of and many older characters euthanased.

And over the years they’ve apparently had some stories as mad as Dallas’s. A plane crashing on Emmerdale for instance.
All this means I haven’t a clue whether it’s the right programme for Heinz Tomato Ketchup to be sponsoring. Coronation Street (where there’s a wildly OTT story running now about the love triangle involving the Indian lover-boy character – attempted murder, arson, red sports-cars, glamorous villainess, the lot) seems absolutely right for Cadbury’s. I’ve never followed Emmerdale at all – don’t know any characters or plot lines – but I’m told it’s a very changed product. Marathons – winner of London (2002, 2003), Chicago (2004), New York (2004). Commonwealth Games – 1st in 5,000m, Manchester 2002.Also: BA with first-class honours in European languages (1996).. World Cross-Country – 2nd in 1997 and 1998, 1st in 2001 and 2002.

World Championships – 5th in 10,000m, Stuttgart 1995, 2nd in 10,000m, Seville 1999, 4th in 10,000m, Edmonton 2001 World half-marathon – won in 2000, 2001, 2003. “There’s a lot of hard work and a lot of training and you’ve got to have the commitment and the talent behind you But there is luck on the day in any event. I’ve just got to keep persevering and hope that one year the Olympics will work out for me.”And after that, after Paula Radcliffe’s Olympic odyssey has worked itself out, one way or another: what will become of her then? “Oh, I’ll do all of the things I can’t do now,” she says, dreamily, “like parachute jumps and paragliding.”There might even be the odd piano lesson – and the odd square of fudge.’Paula Radcliffe: My Story So Far’ by Paula Radcliffe, with David Walsh (Simon and Schuster, £17.99).’Broken Music’ by Sting (Pocket Books, £6.99).BIOGRAPHYPaula Jane Radcliffe, MBEBorn: : 17 December 1973 in NorthwichMarried to: Gary Lough (also manager)Career highlights: Olympics – 5th in 5,000m, Atlanta 1996 4th in 10,000m, Sydney 2000 Failed to finish marathon and 10,000m, Athens 2004. The Beijing Olympics is on the longer-term agenda and, at 30, Radcliffe has not even ruled out an Olympic bid eight years down the line, in London, Paris or wherever.She can only hope that eventually her luck will come good on a given day in the 1,460-day cycle of an Olympiad “Oh, there is luck involved,” Radcliffe reflects. When they return, the preparations will begin for 2005 – and the World Cross Country Championships in St Galmier, France, and the track and field World Championships in Helsinki.

I think that’s what’s strong about our marriage: that we can be ourselves and be open and say what we think to each other. It doesn’t affect the strength of the marriage because we know how much we care about each other.”After pacing a group through the Nike Run London 10k race tonight, Radcliffe and her husband will be packing their bags for a well-earned holiday. Some of the stuff about Gary, I think, has been misinterpreted. Yeah, he is forthright in his opinions but that’s what I love about him. Her autobiography does not venture to such lengths, but it is disarmingly frank nevertheless.